My Weekend with Dad

What a whirlwind weekend. #1 - the awful call. #2 - the flight to Spokane Friday evening. #3 - EVERYTHING ELSE.

I spent all but about 2 hours at my Dad's place this weekend. Not that I could go anywhere since I had no car. I loved seeing my Dad, he looked so tiny and cute. You could tell immediately that he was in pain but his spirits were up because he was in the company of friends and family. Glen was there as well as Big Joe and Terry, then of course, Brandi, Ryan, Melanie and myself.

We did the necessary things that one needs to do to "prepare" I guess. I think that the most important thing is that Dad's wishes are followed to the letter. Though just talking about it broke our hearts.

One nice thing to come out of the weekend was that I think I brought Dad (and myself) some peace. We had a conversation, just the two of us, and I told him that inspite of the mistakes he's made in the past, I had never held a grudge and that I had forgiven him. I might have been mad at him for the things he had done but I had forgiven him right afterwards.

I asked him if he thought I was judgmental and he said no, he knew that I was not a fan of his lifestyle and it angered me on a regular basis but he always knew that I loved him even if I disapproved.

I think that this was the hardest thing I have ever done. Anyone who knew me as a child knows that I had an awful time apologizing or admitting fault. (no jokes here please ya'll) I was terrified of telling Dad that I forgave him because I felt like there was a finality there. Like he could go because I had absolved him or something. It was a paralyzing fear. I cried and prayed Saturday night and asked God to give me at least 5 minutes of strength so that I could say what needed to be said without falling apart in front of Dad. Thankfully, that prayer was answered and when the time came Sunday morning, I was strong. We had a few tears, I think it helped him to know that I love him no matter what and inspite of everything. I will admit that I had a profound sense of peace and calm come over me too.

I hope you all take the time to say what needs to be said to the ones you love because you never know whats going to happen tomorrow.

I love you all, you are in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers.

A